Childhood Thoughts...Always a houseNever a home...
BrokenCan't fixwhat's never been whole.
NumbI'm so numbthat ithurts.
DryCutting myself drybecause of you.
This Is Depression The darknessand Iare one.
Bound by BurdensLonging for redemption,longing for release...
SolitudeFrom dusk to dawn,my soul...it lingerscold andalonein this desolate placethat we callreality.Though inhabitedby many,these arebleak andforsaken grounds.I feel thatI'm trappedwith no way out,no escape,no blissawaiting me...Without a future,without a purpose,my yearning soul...it roamsthis earth;this grave...As the darknesscontinues toconsume me...As the numbnessfeeds onthe remnantsof my sanitya littleeach day.
A New LoveSoft... Gentle... The petals of spring...
Afraid and Alone...Tears stream downfrom forlorn eyesA fountain of purest substance,flooded with lies...Tainted by insult;my disrespected youthShrouded in deceitand deviated from the truth.Beaten down by thosewho held my trust...And taken advantage ofwith a searing lustConsequence camewith anything that I said;Whether 'twas fib or fact,my tears were shed.I barely withstoodtheir trembling furyTormented and questionedby my own kinsmen's jury...I could take it no longer;the road was too rough...My virtue was eclipsing;silence and faith wasn't enoughI lost my path in dusk;my innocence fled to darker landsWith a box of sharp objects,I took matters into my own hands...Shrouded by mists of confusion and pain,I didn't know what to doLeft afraid and alone,there was not one soul I could turn to...And even if there was...They wouldn't have cared to know...They wouldn't have cared at all...And they wouldn't have understood.
Stay AlivePlease.Talk to me.Tell me what shattered your heart inside.Your heart is beating, yet, you're not alive.You're hearing, yet, you're not listening.You've become a black shadow.Lifeless.I can see the demons in your eyes.Your eyes have glazed over.Your life is coming to an end.But yet, you're still healthy, still alive.You smile to hide your pain.But you're slowly dying inside.You keep saying 'I'm fine', when I know you're not.You tell me 'it's just a phase. Don't worry'But I've never worried so much before.You're like a leafYour beauty slowly withering away, unbeknownst to everyone around you.Soon, you're going to fall from the tree, and hit the ground.People will walk over you, ignoring how much pain they've caused your heart.But hold on.Please.It gets better, I promise.Your heart will beat once again.I'm hoping for a sign of life.I'm watching for those eyes to fill with joy, like they used to be.I beg you with all my heart.Stay alive.For me.
But, Isn't It Ironic,how can I writewhen I'm falling apartfaster than unraveled stringslosing sight of a false realitythat I forced myself to believe inbecause honestly, right now, nothing is clarityonly blurred words on pages and blurry shapes formed from tearsI'm all broken stanzas and waiting words, attempting to fly off pageswhile ink binds me to this filthy shade of white that wants to hold me backbut like the emotionally wracked author who cannot hold back I find that there is a waythe one way to contain yourself, to keep from falling apart like the broken sky in a stormis to display what you can't saythe shape of the stanzas hint at broken bodiesthe excess of words shows stories I've yet to tellthe number of lines, sometimes becomes, the number of times I've lostthe stories aren't just stories to me anymorethey're things I call fiction but are actually my levels of hellthat I've lived through and died through (I swear it isn't true)the rhythms and rhymes are times I wish I could bl
My Little FriendI have a friend,She lives in my head,She makes me hate myself,Makes me feel dead.Is it okay that I love it?To have a few hidden friends?I guess we’re just born with it,We’re together till the end.Maybe they’re people who passed,Leaving us behind on this planet,Trying to warn us of the future,Throwing us into panic.Oh well,I love her though,She was my first friend,I won’t let her go.But only at times,She can be a real bitch,saying too many comments,Making my hand start to twitch.
The AcheLiving today to see you tomorrow.
The BullyHelloI saw you todayyes I didyou looked even more pathetic than what you used toas you cling to your boyfriendshowing him off like he is some kind of trophyyou have nothing better to brag aboutother than the ''hunk'' you call your ''love'' your ''baby'' or any kind of foolish name you come up withor so you think ,but you hide the fact that he only wants to fuck youand then move on to the next oneyour just another piece of meat to himdo you know that?no you wouldn'tyou're too naïve and small minded to look through all the sweet words he rubs over your raging hormonesHelloI saw you todayI know you saw me toodo you remember it ?do you remember all the times you fucked with medo you remember each single letter of all the names you called mewant me to spell it out for you?B I T C HI can go on ,but we shouldn't get nasty nowHelloI saw you todayyou were wearing that smilethe same smile you took from your closet of skeletonsyou wear so many of themI know they a
LostSick. Lost. I finally found peace.
HeroFalling; until he gave me wings.
Where's Your Self-Esteem?"I'm a mess.""A beautiful mess."
Valentine's GiftChocolate, rosesI don't need those-- because IHave something sweeter
Depression and I are Fuck BuddiesWhen I was young I made a friend.She was kind of quiet-a loner, like me.She wore a long cloak of stars and melodiesthat would wrap around us both when she got close.As we got olderwe became closer-until she was all I could see.She gave me words of comfort,whispered when no one was around.And I would hold her close,Keeping her curled up inside.Even when she was mean,I would forgive her.If she made me cry,I would hold her closer.We are never apart for very long,though the people around us would tryand rip us from each other’s grasp.She would simply disappearfor hours or days or months.And soon she would sneak in my bedroomwith her cloak of starlight and musicand hold me in a lovers’ embrace.
RosieThere was a girl who wandered off...She never came back,Even when the skylight turned blackThere was worry, there was fearBut the town acceptedThe truth was here A cold caseA story for no one to hear Day after day the autumn grows darkThe town, the people, the flowers in the parkAll had dread for good news might never come Dead in the ground?Where has she gone? But it all went by, one cry at a timeOnly aged 11 ,but did it matter?Her family was shatteredEvery day was the same despairBut there was a boy who actually caredHe took flight on his red bicycle and didn't stopHe got to her house and his heart dropped... He couldn't believeHe felt deceivedBut he won't let this beHe ran to the woodsWhich no one should enterhe was brave and clever He ran fastHe ran fierce Rosie!Rosie!He yelled out loudThe woods were coldAll were dead, even soundHis voice was the on
'Good Girls Don't Make a Fuss'Mother always said "good girls don't make a fuss"stand up straightcurtsyhide the scars on your wrists with the sleeves of your dress.Prim, properstay at arm's lengtheven though you want to press onto this stranger with all of your might"good girls don't make a fuss".Can't go dancing on tablessinging off keynokeep it to yourself until your sorrow runs crimson.
I wantI want you out of my head.I want your voice out of ears.I want your scent out my nose.I want you out of my view.I want my good memories of you gone.I want my bad memories of you gone.I want my name out of your mouth.I want your name out of my mouth.I want my dreams to be free of you.I want my thoughts to be free too.I want my conversations to be done with you.I want my stress level to go down too.I want people to stop bringing you up.I want you to stop glazing at me.I want you to stop looking handsome.I want you to stop being mean.I want you to be less heartless.I want you to be more ideologic.I want your sarcasm to end.I want you to open up more.I want you to get away from me.I want to stop acting a fool.I want us to stop being so similar.I want us to stop being sad.The thing I want most of all,is to stop feeling these feelings for you.No matter how hard I want these things,and the thing I want most of all,I know that they all sadly won't come true.
Hands of a KillerSilver and red paint me GUILTY.
Love HurtsSearching the endless maze that I call my mind, searching for that time when you were mine, when our hearts would beat together,The time we had together, I knew it wouldn't last forever, found out quicker now that love hurts, whenever I try to wonder,Love's a confusing game, that burns whenever it's game over, we try again, and over and over, to find the one we all dream of,Love's a consuming fire that burns inside, you think that it's get better than it comes to the end,Remembering those times we were together, I knew it wouldn't last forever, trying to find to some hope, where the darkness lies ahead, found out quicker than I thought I would that love hurts, Oh,Yeah, it's a confusing game that burns whenever, it's game over.
Of Words and NudityA poem is a story without it's clothes on.It's an island in a sea of white,An artist's heart in ink.It's proof of thought,Of emotion,Of sensation.It's a place to go,A shield to hide behind,A confession to make.A poem is one's true nature,One's soul - naked.
InkIn a penno one remembersno one knowsno one caresbut when it'sspilled onto paperin lines formingletters curvedinto calligraphy,it is noticedand related toand emotion-provokingand the potentiallocked inside thatsmooth black liquidis only acknowledgedwhen someone bothersto share their soulthrough similes and stanzasBut in a pen,it is forgotten.
Surge.I create parallel tightrope thoughts;but you balance (and dance)across my mind. There's no net to catch me if I electrify (and excite) the live wire.
Mental SuicideI just might kill myself again.